{"id":28222,"date":"2021-03-23T12:44:35","date_gmt":"2021-03-23T11:44:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pinkoddy.co.uk\/?p=28222"},"modified":"2021-03-23T12:44:39","modified_gmt":"2021-03-23T11:44:39","slug":"so-called-normal-mark-henick-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pinkoddy.co.uk\/blog\/2021\/03\/23\/so-called-normal-mark-henick-review\/","title":{"rendered":"So-Called Normal Mark Henick Review"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

This is a full and frank review of Mark Henick So-Called Normal and does have spoilers. It may contain information that may trigger my readers. I was gifted an uncorrected proof.<\/strong><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So-Called Normal is the memoir of Mark Henick. Growing up he had a troubled childhood and suicidal thoughts from a very young age. Until the day a stranger saved his life and prompted him to reframe his thoughts and help others. Mark hopes that So-Called Normal will give rise to real conversations about suicide and break the relentless stigma of mental illness<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Mark<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

About So-Called Normal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Readers are taken inside the mind of Mark Henick through this candid, intensely personal account of his life. Hearing how he struggled with abandonment, abuse, bullying and trauma. We are shown the efforts to help him as his mental health progressively worsens, but why Mark kept quiet about his feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What So-Called Normal isn\u2019t About<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

So-Called Normal isn\u2019t going to tell you how people who are suicidal think. It is not an insight into how to change their thinking to stop. Mark Henick is clear that this is his story and that no two people feel or experience things the same. In fact it is this realisation when he comes to jump off a bridge that changes his life. With one person experiencing the situation being cruel and unkind and the other just the opposite. It was reflecting back on this moment that he realised that he did have a choice about how he behaves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Note from Mark Henick<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Mark Henick begins by explaining about how he came to write the book. He makes it clear that things have been pieced together and some things changed a little (mainly to protect others. I think this is important as a lot of the book has a real feel of knowing he has been helped by counsellors. Other things I just can\u2019t imagine he would remember a lot of things quite so clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trigger Warning<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The thing I think is most important to note is that the contents of So-Called Normal are not light. Mark provides a trigger warning in the author\u2019s note and even suggests the reader take a break when needed. It is a very emotional book around a lot of emotive topics. This is even before you consider the young age of Henick at the time when the events occurred.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So-Called Normal Family Life for Henick<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Henick then starts at the beginning and takes us with him on his journey through life. Mark begins by introducing us to what his family life was like. A family so big he feels unimportant – where his Nana can\u2019t even remember his name. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"large<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

He talks us through his parents\u2019 history and his own childhood. How his parents \u201cfought constantly,\u201d and there subsequent breakdown of marriage when he was 3 years old. However, he always wished they could get back together. He also did not understand why his dad wanted nothing to do with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Themes in So-Called Normal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The Feeling of Abandonment<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

The feeling of abandonment is just one of many reoccurring themes throughout So-Called Normal. This carries on throughout his young life with the fear that people will leave\/not love him if he does not behave how he believes they want him to. \u201cThe people whom I loved might think differently of me, they might leave me, and I couldn\u2019t risk any change to the few close connections I had.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Henick Feeling Bad about himself<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Henick definitely felt bad about himself. He always felt behind at school and just couldn\u2019t catch up. In fact even when he was doing really well he just couldn\u2019t see it. It is almost like he felt he needed others to validate his existence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Collins<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was needy and craved reassurance, and without it I was becoming increasingly introverted, afraid and insecure<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI had a desperate need for connection at all costs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI wanted to be seen, to feel seen.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Feeling Alone<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Even in a big family he felt alone. \u201cI wanted to be close to my brother too, but he never seemed to share those feelings.\u201d When brother Raymond discovers he is being abused, instead of helping him he uses it against him. \u201cBeing alone and feeling alone are kind of a chicken-and-egg thing, and in the earliest days of depression It\u2019s hard to tell which is which. That\u2019s one reason I didn\u2019t realize I was becoming depressed<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Abuse Henick Suffered<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

His self-esteem so low that he even \u201cinternalized this shame\u201d of being molested by a boy when he was just seven years old. It is also mentioned that on this night Gary had abandoned them and gone home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I believe there to be a lot more to Mark\u2019s traumas than mentioned. For example there\u2019s a brief mention of one of his cousins abusing him further than explained in the book.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Stepdad<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

However it is Gary, his stepdad, who is blamed for a lot of Henick\u2019s trauma. A controlling bully, who made him scared in his own home. Gary is seen as the main reason home-life was so unsettled and also why Mark felt he shouldn\u2019t show his emotions. Mark internalized a lot of Gary\u2019s negative stories, which made Mark feel like a bad person. For example – like the fact that his family were Nazis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Nazis\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Henick\u2019s Relationship with his Mother<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Henick often talks about his mother\u2019s love for him, how understanding she was, and ultimately it was his feeling that he would bring shame to her which first triggered an actual suicide attempt. \u201cI didn\u2019t want to let her down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 Life was hard enough without my complaints<\/strong>.\u201d \u201cShe had so much to worry about as it was, I didn\u2019t want to worry about me too<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That her death helped set him free.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cMy mother\u2019s death made me think a lot about my childhood experiences. Grieving her finally forced me to also grieve and eventually accept that entire time in my life too. Now it\u2019s over.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dealing with Challenges<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Things started going wrong slowly for Henick and he didn\u2019t feel like he had somewhere to turn to that could help. \u201cI felt it had been going on for too long by then for me to say anything. Besides, whom would I tell?<\/strong>\u201d \u201cI looked around for options to address them, but I often found none.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Henick Asking for Help and Not Getting it<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Mark clearly shows that he felt that he did not receive the help he asked for. The first example is when he asked to go to the toilet in class. \u201cI had asked for help, but here I sat helpless.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then there are the repeated trips to Mr Nichols. Who although arranged help straight away and even saved his life, Mark just couldn\u2019t be helped at this point. I think looking back however, you can see him reflecting on all he tried to do, \u201cSpeaking up apparently changed something, even if I didn\u2019t realize it at the time.<\/strong>\u201d But how he felt was, \u201cI asked for help, no help was given, so the problem got worse<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"wanted<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

He began to feel uncared for.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

 \u201cWith the exception of a few notable figures, the vast majority of people encountered were indifferent. Either they didn\u2019t notice and so did nothing, or they noticed but didn\u2019t care and so did nothing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI felt that people didn\u2019t fully appreciate the amount of pain and loneliness I felt.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI thought I was hard to like.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The counseilling – \u201cshe talked – about how it seemed to be a frustrated response to not knowing how to deal with my emotions.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lisa – \u201cI had the impression she was doing therapy to me rather than with me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was sick of repeating the same stories, to the same people, only to be given the same pamphlets and pills but never much else.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting the Help<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Mr Nichols arranged the hospital straight away and Mark started therapy ten days before his 13 birthday. He was taught some \u201cpositive affirmations\u201d by Amy. She also encouraged him to keep a mood diary to track his feelings and changes. Together they developed a crisis plan – to help when emotions were overwhelming. Mark developed practical tools that gave him a sense of control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Amy and Mr. Nichols \u201ctook time to validate my experience.\u201d<\/strong> Whilst others made him feel like a lost cause, \u201cthere was no referral for counselling, community support or any other services this time. It seemed the more times I came to the hospital for help, the less help I got.\u201d Tablets for depression could actually trigger his suicidal feelings and \u201cI sensed that people preferred to medicate my experience away instead of helping me to understand it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Heather tells him life choices mean that he could decide to be positive but sometimes you need to travel far enough away to be able to listen. \u201cNothing changes if nothing changes, but eventually, something changes everything. Sometimes things change right under your nose and you don\u2019t realize until you\u2019ve got enough distance.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Stranger<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I was surprised that more of the book wasn\u2019t about the stranger but I guess he triggered the response that all the help before suddenly mattered. This man just chose to be kind. Be interested. Be present.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mark Henick constantly explains to us how he does not want to die. He just wants the pain to end. To not feel alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Conclusion of So-Called Normal<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

There are so much more I could have written about this book. So many complex themes and things to consider. It is extremely well-written by someone who never believed in their academic ability. I am going to leave you with this final quote and suggested that we all just help one another keep even a single domino standing then we can make such a big difference in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf one domino falls on its own, it\u2019s no big deal. It\u2019s the successive lining up and falling down of dominoes, a chain of cause and effect, carefully built over time and trial and error; that creates the problem.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Watch Henick’s TedTalk<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Release Date: January 12, 2021<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ISBN-10: 1443455032<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ISBN-13: 978-1443455039<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Available from Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Audible and others<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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