Yes my period is 9 days late! I am 43 this year with 4 boys, the youngest of which is almost 12. Not really quite sure how I feel about it all. I mean we decided when the youngest was born that we did not want any more children. Yet still my emotions are all over the place!
Starting my Period
My periods started when I was twelve years old. The only time they have been more than a week late is because I have been pregnant. The first time this happened I was only 17 years old. Back then my period cycles were all over the place and eventually the doctor put me on the combined pill because I bled for 28 days solid. My cycles really settled down after that (even when not taking the pill) and so I knew instantly when I was pregnant with each of the boys. To the point where people told me that it was too early to tell.
The Unknown – What to Expect with a Missed Period
I really do not like the unknown, preferring to know what to expect. I think it is because it is my first missed period in such a long time it has really thrown my emotions into disarray! To be honest I think that part of the problem when we decided not to have any more children was not knowing what would happen next. Having being a mother throughout my whole adult life it seemed odd for that not to be my main role in life. Obviously they will always need me, just in different ways.
Not Ready
But we did make that choice and I have had over a decade to become used to it. I really am at a place where I am ready to move on to the next stage in my life. Obviously I love them with all my heart but it hasn’t been easy and they are much more independent now. I am more than ready not to be having more babies and think more about life for me and my husband.
Thing is I know I am not even ready to be a grandmother yet. The oldest is twenty-five this year but not in a steady relationship – so hopefully I still have some time. Yet I am also not ready for this to be it! The no going back, the I can’t change things point in my life. I mean the decision we made previously was pretty much that but there was also the choice to change things back again!The realisation that I am getting old is quite frightening. I hear so many horror stories about this stage of life. I knew this time would be coming but yet I still do not feel ready for it. Plus a lot of people do not seem to take my seriously when I try to talk about it – because of my age.
Perimenopause the start of the end of my Period
I have suspected that I have been in the perimenopause stage of life for a good while. I wrote back about aging when I was just thirty-six. All through it though I have not been late or missed a period. Since I wrote about it the main problem has been my mood swings linked to my cycle. Luckily I have a really good husband because it is certainly taken out on him. The changes really make me believe he has done such awful things. It is only when we started tracking this behaviour that it became apparent it was me and not him!
Obviously there are other signs – my hair going grey, disturbed sleep, bingo wings and some things far too embarrassing to even mention! My periods although not late or missed have changed in volume. Some months the period can be super light, whilst others I cannot move for how heavy it is.
Supportive Women in Peri-menopause
I found lots of supportive women and groups on the subject. Even running related ones. Sometimes it helps (omg they are hilarious), but other times it just feels me with fear and dread as to what is to come. Right now I know this is only the start. Who knows if this will be just a late period or a missed one! Menopause itself is the absence of any periods for 12 months. Some women this just happens! Was my period at the start of January my very last?
Facts about the Menopause
I read a lot of things about the Menopause and a lot of it is the same. The thing is it is different for everyone. Although everyone agrees that good sleep, diet and exercise are key. All the things I am already doing really. Well apart from the sugar! Well and may be the diet! Some women swear by HRT whilst others argue about the link to breast cancer.
Some say that the age your mother was menopausal will influence when your own menopause is, others disagree. My mother had a double mastectomy by the age of forty-six. She believed that it was triggered by taking HRT. I was only 20 when she died so I’m unable to talk to her about it.
Chance of being Pregnant!
Yet there’s still the unknowing. Yes technically there’s a tiny chance I could be pregnant. I am not sure how I feel about that either. We really are done with having children (even if I am not ready for body to be done!). I just keep telling myself that no I am not! It’s ludicrous. Besides I am convince that I am peri. Also I have had no morning sickness which I had with all four of the boys. It has been so long since I was pregnant though I do not remember when that starts!
Something to look back on
Anyway I know this is perimenopause and this is the really turning point in my life, so I wanted to get my thoughts down and document it. The number of times I have Googled “how many 43 year old women get a pregnancy test the first time their period is late?” and other such related search terms. Or maybe it isn’t. Apparently my recent smear could be the reason it is late. Or the increased mileage I have been doing. Or the stress of home schooling.
Has anyone got anything to share about their journey into the menopause?