Bad Parents Perfect Children

Is it hard to admit when you are a bad parent and your child isn’t perfect?

Where do bad parents go for advice?

So I was reading an article about sexual predators – about how hard it is for them to put their hands up and say – you know what I need help? Once they admit their preferences and out themselves, then who wants to let their children around them? Who has compassion and understanding for them and wants to help them? It got me to thinking about parenting. What happens when a parent cannot cope? I did put bad parents in the title but they are not bad, they just are struggling with it all. The other day I was suffering from depression and could really have had a drink. I never and I posted this on my Facebook wall and got such a huge amount of support. But what if I had? If I had posted at 4 in the afternoon:

“Had an awful day so have cracked open a cider”

with a picture of the can, so people know I wasn’t joking – would I have received the same support? Would people have ignored it? Thought I was seeking attention? Would anyone have called social services on me? Would the concerns just be for my children (which I am not saying I wouldn’t have wanted it to be) – would the cry for help go ignored? I am okay, I am not asking for anyone to help me, and I am not saying that I need it.

bad parents perfect children

I am just questioning actually how is easy does society make it to reach out for that support when someone does need it. Do we all do it in such a jokey way now – so we can risk assess the situation. To see if we can seek the help without being made to further feel a failure, without having to worry about the consequences. To being punished in some way. Just to actually get help. I mean situations a lot more serious too. What if a mother is a drug addict? Or beats her child? What if she fears she may lose that child but actually just wants help to stop behaving how she does?

Non-Perfectly Behaved Children

What about our children? I find when a child does something good it is the child that is praised, but when they do something bad it is the parent’s fault. Can we only talk about them in terms of how well they are doing? Is it a reflection on us if they do not behaving like angels? What happens if we speak out against our children? Is this knocking their self-esteem, again meaning that we are not doing a good job? Should we just love them as they are no-matter what, unconditionally – no matter what they do? No matter who they hurt? At what point would we intervene – of letting them be children, and stepping in and saying – no this is wrong? Do we punish them? Or should they be allowed to make their own mistakes? Does it matter if other people think badly of our children? How far should we go to protect them – and is it easy to ask for help? Should we compare between children? And if we should compare – how do we know what is normal if no-one talks about it? Or is each child an individual and we should make no excuses for bad behaviour? Or should all behaviour just be excused?

non perfect parents and children

I know it’s not too serious but here is a picture of a pub – where my 11 year old went with his friend for lunch – without telling anyone. My in-laws told him that’s fine as they were drinking at 14 – it’s about their normal. I am, of course discussing more serious issues such as drug taking, rape, etc as well as these more “normal” parts of growing up.

What do you think? Do you struggle as a parent? Do you do things that you are worried about the consequences if you talk about it? What about your children – are they all angels? Do you worry about what might happen if you talk about your child’s behaviour? Or am I the only no-good mother with children who can be difficult at times?

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