Tea Anyone?

I feel so much agggggh right now that I feel I could actually explode.

So I thought right Tea & Sympathy is what I need – and it is Tuesday after all.


That and I could show you my Tea Cup pictures I took.

My first born has Asperger’s Syndrome.

He is very intelligent, and for a teenager, very well behaved. If he knows how he is meant to behave then 9 times out of 10 then he will behave that way. He comes home from school and gets on with his homework before asking if he can play computer games. Perfect.

But he doesn’t really know how to behave when he isn’t told “how” to behave. Sometimes behaviours just “happen” I guess, I’m not saying that we tell him what to do and he just does it. But yes, I think he does that a lot more than your average teen. He works hard and gets good results – would more could we want from him.

But what about for him? He hardly joins in with things because he doesn’t know how to. He struggles with new communications – so finding out what he’s meant to be doing, or who he has to speak to is very daunting for him. Even when we are there to help him – he just wont do it (very frustrating). Current examples are his DofE trip and he had to provide his own lunch. We took him to the supermarket and said he could have what he wanted (packed lunch wise), we even threw in some suggestions. But no-one told him what he had to have. He started getting angry, saying the school had been poor at communicating what he needed, and even when we explained to him that they couldn’t tell him what he liked to eat he still didn’t get it. He wouldn’t have even had to have spoken to anyone – just pick what he wanted and put it in the trolley. He agreed he wanted to take an orange; we stood by the oranges; and still it did not get put in the trolley. Another example is his work experience – if you told him where a letter had to go and what would have to go in it he would do it – but no-one has, so he hasn’t.

There’s this feeling of “it’s because he’s a teenager” when he doesn’t do things. But we know it’s not. It’s just really hard to explain.

When I say he’s intelligent, he goes to a grammar school – taking his Maths GCSE in year 10. Predicted 6 A*s and 4 As. So imagine my annoyance when his IEP letter came which basically states he will get an A in Biology (apparently only achieving a B, not what I thought but hey ho), and will continue to revise (last terms target was to get an A* in Maths which he ALWAYS has!!)

Even his head of Pastoral care who is running the DofE says they know he has communication issues so why oh why are they not addressing them?

  • Previously they have mentioned  repeatedly social stories – which do not work because he can not generalise.
  • Then they asked what I suggested!
  • When he felt he was being bullied they upset him (the deputy head) by telling him that he should think about the ways he is annoying to others without meaning to be (he has ASPERGERS he does not understand feelings but DOES still have them!!)
  • The age old it’s MY fault – therefore the last few IEPs Ive ignored – because I FUSS too much!

Last time I suggested they get the Communication and Interaction Team out – but they claimed that as there was no violence they couldn’t. I rang the team and they did come out (much to the school’s annoyance) but I believe they just ignored any advice.

I have rung the school but I doubt anything will be done. In fact the only thing they might take notice of is the fact that in one exam his maths grade dropped to a B because of communication issues!!! And I do worry he will run out of paper or something else trivial and he wont be able to communicate his need to the invigilator.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting the school to do it all. I’m willing to do what it takes to help him. That’s why he does DofE and other out of school activities as it is. I know maybe I need to make him come do the shopping with me. But I really don’t know where I can find information on how to help him. He seems too smart most places or too old (there was a teen asd grp but it was fine until the leader left and it all changed).

Anyone have any ideas. Or tell me I’m not being unreasonable? Or tell me I am – that’s fine.

Now has anyone got any biscuits please?

14 thoughts on “Tea Anyone?”

  1. No advice. I am a few years behind you, my quirky son is only 8, but can see similar issues cropping up in future perhaps. All I can offer is sympathy. And I will be keeping an eye out for things I can adapt for our family in a few years!

  2. Oh gosh – I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Sounds like you just want what’s best for your son. It’s sounds like the fact that he is so intelligent is actually meaning he’s not getting the care he needs. It sounds like people just expect him to be able to do everything, they are not taking the time to really meet his needs. I can’t imagine how frustrating that must be. I think sometimes you just have to keep going back to the school and be demanding.
    Hope you get the support you need.

    Oh and the cups are gorgeous!

  3. You are definitely not being unreasonable! I worked with young people with AS in my previous teaching job so might be able to offer some advice if you contact me directly. I will definitely be able to offer sympathy and virtual tea and biscuits!

  4. I know nothing about this situation but am going for a latte and scone on the way to work,will get u one?
    You sound like you do amazingly well fighting your sons corner and he sounds like he is doing amazingly well.


  5. Go to your doctor and get a letter to send to the examination board you make have to get more than one letter. I was suffering from stress when my exams were on and get a letter.

    And here have a hob nob the daddy of all biscuits.

    • Hob nobs are my favourite 🙂

      I think all the exam board would do is give him more time and he doesn’t need that.

      Good news is school rang back and said they will think about how to help. Today he came home and said he had seen someone and they are helping him with his work experience placement (he didn’t just tell me this btw lol).


Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.