Mother’s Day After Loss – A letter to my Mother

Whether you have lost your Mother, your child, or both, then Mother’s Day can stir up all manner of emotions. I wish I could say that it will just be a sad day, a day to allow yourself to cry – but grief isn’t that straight forward. I would like to be able to promise that it gets easier, but I am finding that the pain never goes away. I try hard to remember the happy memories but all I can think about is her death. I was not ready to let her go, she was too young. Then I think back to all her Mother’s days, the ones where I did not show her enough that I care. The Mother with the broken heart and the painted smile. How did she get by knowing that her son had gone too soon. Her first born. Her son. Her 6 year old.

I have often heard that writing a letter will help, so her goes;

loss of mother

Dear Mom,

You were the most wonderful person anyone could have ever met. So kind, thoughtful and helpful. You were adored by all, and to be honest a tough act to follow. You had your fair share of heartache, but you never let it show.  I wish you would have shared with me some of the pain, so that I could have helped you. Losing your own mother so young must have been hard, especially with four brothers to take care of. Eighteen years you had been without your first born son, who was so cruelly and prematurely taken away from you; so I can appreciate how you wanted to join him.Some days feel so dark that I wish I could join you both too. But that is not how you brought me up, what kind of selfish person would I be to waste the life that my brother was never able to have.

I have four beautiful boys now, Mom. You’d be really proud of them all. They would love you so much. We still have the singing Postman Pat you bought for my oldest when he was only 2 years old. I wish he had been old enough to remember you. I have a fantastic husband, I am so sorry that the boyfriend choices I made whist you were alive were so bad. I think you’d really approve of this one.

Now I’m waiting for your youngest son to become a dad. He was only fourteen when you left us. He has grown into a fine young man, but I know you know that looking down on him. He is having a little girl. I wonder if she will look like you. Will she have your red hair and fiery temperament?

Anyway I’m rambling on so I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother’s day and hope you are enjoying being reunited with your son.

Lots of love

Your Daughter xx

loss of mother

19 thoughts on “Mother’s Day After Loss – A letter to my Mother”

  1. Very moving post, Pink. I think anyone in our position can recall like a video the circumstances of the loss – the more traumatic, the more vivid. Not always a bad thing – I just let it happen when it happens. Hope the balance of your memories on Sunday will be happy overall.

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  2. Well done, I know how hard it is and you are right, it doesn’t get easier – the grief does but then you start to feel further away, esp when new little people join the family.
    I think like you, it helps me to do something like this ahead of the day, to face up to it before it hits me. Will be thinking of you x

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  3. Oh wow Joy that is just beautiful. The post and the letter is just wonderful, really moving. I don’t know if it helps (a little) but sometimes it’s good to write things down. It’s a bit like releasing whats inside I guess. I’m sure it doesn’t get any easier but hopefully you can savour all those amazing memories you have. Will be thinking of you on Sunday x

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  4. Lovely letter. She’d have been proud of all you do, and of course she would have known how much you loved her. Hugs for this weekend. Hope the sun shining makes it easier to remember the happy times x

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