Not slipping into the Black Hole #Depression #Statement #SEN #Cancer

I have to admit, that despite this lovely weather, I feel tired and depressed. I know, I know I should be happy, grateful how wonderful my life is, how things could be much worse – but I just can’t get past this tiredness and depression.

sunnyday

We are waiting to see if my husband’s mother has Cancer. Today she has a second scan on another area, they think it is in her lymph nodes. Fingers crossed, as I really cannot stand the thought of him having to feel that pain (he is only 30). You may be aware that I lost my own mother when I was 20, and that she had Cancer too.

I really feel so hopeless and helpless. I wish he had a better wife, one that could say and do the right things. Instead I am tired and useless. Getting angry myself – and I have nothing to be angry about – except that it is so unfair. Tonight my husband has asked his brother to go with him to their parents, and my husband will cook them all dinner. It’s also coming up to the anniversary that his mother lost her dad too (May 4th) so not a good time for her at all.

My friend’s have told me that what I should do is focus on things that I can control.

We now know that our son will be going to the local mainstream school (but not officially for another fortnight!). The Head of the school has called us in for a meeting tomorrow, to discuss things that we are concerned about. I’m so anxious that I’m going to forget something, something that isn’t covered in the Statement, wont get added onto the Statement and that this is my chance to let them know. (He currently has a pre-school statement but will have a school statement if that makes sense, so a new one will be drawn up in the Summer term). I do feel positive about how helpful the school are being already.

I already know that toilet needs are mentioned on the statement, but that there’s nothing in the bit about what they are going to do about it. I hadn’t even thought about the getting dressed and undressed section – so what else haven’t I remembered.

gettingdressed

Hopefully all the anxiety I have is more to do with the fact that this is my last baby going to school, as opposed to another special needs child going to school. My first son I had awful experiences, with and the Head excluded him several times. Once I picked him and she was yelling at him, he had no shoes on and was sat under a table in the corner, telling him he was evil! (he was five years old!!!)

I want to enjoy the time I have left with him, but all this is just making me too tired to even think. Never mind all the extra care, and him not sleeping properly at night. BUT he has come on LOADS, (he can even say, “Can I have ice-cream please,”) and am sure he will be fine. My job to worry, isn’t it?

I am fighting it, and not letting myself go to bed. I keep talking, playing (very important), watching (he is an amazing and VERY FUNNY little boy), exercising, sitting in the sun, listening to music – and just reminding myself how he is getting lots of help.

Sooooo, if anyone has anything they think I might want to consider for the Statement, or talk about any fears you have about sending your little one off to Reception please do comment and let me know.